After 15 years…

Today marks the first day of a new life.

I have struggled with my oral health for over 20 years. Tooth decay, broken teeth after being tortured and raped for three weeks, bad eating habits and NO dental intervention as a child.

In June, I was accepted into a program which finds dental professionals who are willing to work with disabled people by making dentures and doing dental work for free. In November I had dentures made.

The day before Christmas I was told that they had found an oral surgeon who was willing and able to do the work. On my birthday I called them and set up my appointment. Last week was the initial consult and today…. This is the day!

I’m excitedly terrified. Excited because I’ve waited so long for this day and it’s finally here. The day that I no longer have constant pain. The day that my sinus pain from my teeth stops. This is the first day of my life!!

I know, I’m being overly dramatic but, if you had to live with constant pain, throbbing, infections and the inability to eat, you’d understand. It’s been hell.

This is the perfect example of the problem with healthcare in this country, especially for disabled and elderly poor. We are given Medicaid by the state but not all Medicaid covers dental for adults. Most don’t in fact. Glasses are another issue. Some states cover them, some don’t.

Poor people in America are told “Go to the dentist” but when the dental care you NEED is going to cost you the same as your food budget for a month (or in my case 5!!) then you make sacrifices. Usually to the tune of poor health.

When you can’t chew, you can’t eat properly. We are told, especially when we are fat “eat healthier. Eat fresh veggies and fruit” Um, HELLO, I have no usable teeth! YOU try eating kale without teeth. Or an apple, pear, carrot…. Yeah right. I’ve had to juice my food for three years. I can eat solid food, IF it’s soft, like sandwiches and eggs. I’ve had to be creative with my eating AND my childrens diets. It hasn’t been easy.

Today, that all ends.

I know I’ll be sore for a while and the dentures will take some time to get used to but you know what? I’m ecstatic that it’s going to be done!

Namaste my friends 🙂

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Indecision

Indecisiveness, irresolution, hesitancy, hesitation, tentativeness; ambivalence, doubt, doubtfulness, uncertainty, incertitude; vacillation, wavering, equivocation, second thoughts; shilly-shallying, dithering, temporizing, hemming and hawing, dilly-dallying, sitting on the fence

Yeah, today I’m thinking about my husband again. As always. I’ve been really paying attention to his actions of late and what I see disturbs me more than words can say.

Since I’ve been home from the hospital, I’ve been watching my husband, his interactions with the children and his words. What I don’t see, youngest informs me.

I went back to work last week and the very first day, upon my return home, youngest said that husband has informed them that he no longer cares about them because they “obviously” don’t care about him. This because he “had” to do their chores.

What kind of person says things like that to children? It made youngest cry. I’m seriously wishing I knew what to do. I’m afraid to leave because he has all the money in his bank account. He’s stopped giving me my allowance. I think he suspects I’m trying to save money to leave… If I don’t get enough money, how will I leave??

We found out that my father does, indeed, have colon cancer but it’s in the “early stages” and the doctor thinks he can get it all in one surgery. Keep your fingers crossed. I will be taking middle with me when I go down to take care of him and his wife who starts chemo tomorrow. Don’t know when I’m leaving but it will probably be in the next couple of weeks. If I can get a ride, I’ll take youngest with me. If I have to take the Greyhound, I’ll have to leave youngest here.

Middle had an endoscopy last week and we have found out he has scar tissue and ulcerations on his esophagus. He’s now on medication and will be having another endoscopy in 8 weeks. That should give us time to go to Texas and help grampa before his appointment.

I have to remember, if I leave, I don’t come back. I take the kids with me and we continue without husband. My children deserve better.

 

 

Life happens

I’ve spent the last two weeks in the hospital. Agony would be an understatement! Turns out I had a 7mm kidney stone that got lodged in the ureter between the kidney and the bladder. It was EXCRUCIATING. They placed a stent and for two weeks I hurt. My bladder and kidney were spasming so bad that they put me in the hospital to control the pain.

For two weeks my husband was alone with my children.

They all survived. Much to the amazement of my beloved husband.

While I was in the hospital, my husband totalled the motorcycle, my only transportation to work. Now I can’t go to work unless a coworker comes to get me.

Discovered my step mother has colon cancer while I was in the hospital. That prompted my father to get a colonoscopy…. They found a mass. Waiting on the results now, supposed to know something Monday. If you pray, please pray for them.

 

Yesterday

Youngest and I went to the museum yesterday. We took the bus down and wandered the halls of science and nature for three hours, learning and seeing things he’d never seen before. Then we went downtown and ate lunch, shopped for new pants for him and went to the candy store. We visited with my homeless brother at the library and went to catch the train home. It was such an awesome day.

Then we came home.

My niece texted me as we walked home from the stop and said her husband had gotten out of jail and was on his way to my house. To see her. She had told him she was staying with me. The big problem was that she had lied to him and now I had to deal with that drama.

 

Oh and get this….

She got fired a week ago from her job because she couldn’t find a babysitter. She’s now working in one of those illegal brothels. With the baby.

It makes me cry to think of it. Now her husband is out and she hasn’t told him what she’s doing.

First thing this morning, he asked me if we could sit down and smoke some weed.He was about to leave for the probation office for crying out loud! What kind of man is this!!?? I can see now that I’m going to have to sit them down and talk to them. It’s time for them to grow up and be responsible! If not for themselves, for their son.

I swear, I’m feeling like everyone’s Mama here

Therapy…

Today I went with middle for his therapy and ended up doing most of the talking. The therapist told me I really needed to get husband out of the house. I agreed. When you decide to take charge of your life, how do you get the offender to actually leave?

I asked the childrens godfather to find me a gun. I’m afraid I actually need one because of husband.

Husband started yelling at mother today. I knew it was just a matter of time. Now I’m having to do damage control.

 

*sigh* Will it ever end?

 

Dog Attacked Husband!

Yesterday, husband took my tiny, 11 pound Min Pin out to walk. While they were out a Pit Bull being walked by an 8 year old, 60 pound little girl broke free from her and attacked my husband. My little dog tried his best to protect husband  but was quickly overpowered by the 110 pound giant. Husband fought the big dog off, finally pinning him underneath himself while getting the dog in a scissor lock. He sustained bites on his forearm and a broken wrist. My sweetie pup had minor injuries, mostly due to the thick sweater I insist on him wearing. He’s on antibiotics and painkillers but the vet said he’ll be fine. He and husband are resting today. Husband had bad nightmares last night, understandably!

The dogs owners had the animal up to date on his shots, thank the maker. They got a ticket and the dog was taken in for quarantine until the court date. This is a mandatory appearance to explain why their dog wasn’t controlled. I plan on going to hear their explanation and hopefully get the vet cost refunded. Seventy six dollars is more than we could really afford today!

Youngest stayed with the dogs while husband was transported by ambulance to the ER and the police were speaking to me, then he went with me to the vet today. He’s so concerned about our dog! He loves him so much and, since he is also his diabetic alert dog, Youngest is very much dependant on the dog. He said he doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost the dog. Not a word about husband…. hmmm….

Medical care in Troubled Times

I have been ill for over two weeks now. It started out with a cold/flu and progressed till I am unable to hear. After husband figured out I was ignoring him because I couldn’t HEAR him, he took me to the doctor this morning.

I have a double ear infection and sinus infection. The doctor asked me why I hadn’t come in last week and I just looked at husband. He told her we didn’t have the copay (of 5 dollars) She sighed and just wrote in her book. Now I’m on antibiotics and he’s irritated because the whole bill was 7 dollars. She prescribed other meds as well but he wouldn’t buy them.

 

I’m just going to go to sleep for a while.