When I received the call from police in December, I was told that there was a break in the 14 year old case I’d reported. They asked me to come down and talk with them so, in January, I did.
The man who met with me was the same detective who took the initial report, so many years ago.As I sat there, in the interrogation room, I began to feel the same dread, the same anxiety that I felt all those years ago. The man was very polite but I could tell he really was concerned about whether or not this case was viable.
They had finally run the rape kit and found a match. They had a name. They also had a problem.
Back at the time the rape happened, I was suffering. I was deep in a mental turmoil called Dissociative Identity Disorder. I remember little of the incidences of rape, of which, apparently, there were three. By all evidences, one of my personalities was on a online dating site and was having conversations, via IM, with many different men. Apparently these men were the ones I reported had raped me. Two of the three incidences I don’t remember anything about. The first one though…. I remember that.
Because of the mental health issues I suffered back then, the officers, at the time, were unconvinced that there WAS an attack. They were very aggressive during my questioning and I finally recanted. I was terrified, badgered and, when they threatened to arrest me for false reporting, I recanted. I was tired and just wanted to go home. They had, unbenounced to me, taken my son from my husband to be and given him to CPS. When I returned home, he was gone.
I began therapy in order to get him back and, there, found I had at least seven different personalities. I, honestly, cannot say WHAT happened during the periods I’m missing. I just don’t know. So, when I was talking to the detective, I told him to just drop it. I couldn’t see putting someone through that issue if they were, in fact, innocent.
Besides, after fourteen years and ten years of therapy, I didn’t want to take the chance on waking those personalities up again. I NEVER want to see them again! Well, not SEE per sae but you know. I want them to remain dormant, unseen and untroublesome.
I don’t want to be crazy again.
A big thing that has been on my mind, because of this, is the extreme backlog of DNA tests that are never run. WHY? I think there is an underlying thought that the victims are all lying. Buyers remorse and all that. I imagine the police are in their offices talking amongst each other, saying things like “Yeah, we got another remorseful victim. Said the guy raped her but she didn’t fight back. I think she’s lying” as he tosses the DNA kit into the evidence locker, never to be seen again. At the moment, there have been Twenty one THOUSAND rape kits found that haven’t been run.
How many victims could have been saved from being victimized if they would only have taken the time to run the damned kit? Like my case, they have the man’s evidence, they have him in the database. That means he’s been arrested for this crime before, right? What if they had actually done their jobs instead of blaming the victim?
How many other victims have been badgered into recanting their stories because of the police? How many perps are still out there, with cases sitting on shelves, raping another or possibly even murdering them? How much suffering could be averted by the police actually doing their jobs?
A persons mental status shouldn’t be the reason for the police discounting the victim. I WAS raped. I AM a SURVIVOR. I might be crazy but I’m NOT stupid. No matter how many personalities I have/had, I’m still a victim of rape.