Yesterday, husband took my tiny, 11 pound Min Pin out to walk. While they were out a Pit Bull being walked by an 8 year old, 60 pound little girl broke free from her and attacked my husband. My little dog tried his best to protect husband but was quickly overpowered by the 110 pound giant. Husband fought the big dog off, finally pinning him underneath himself while getting the dog in a scissor lock. He sustained bites on his forearm and a broken wrist. My sweetie pup had minor injuries, mostly due to the thick sweater I insist on him wearing. He’s on antibiotics and painkillers but the vet said he’ll be fine. He and husband are resting today. Husband had bad nightmares last night, understandably!
The dogs owners had the animal up to date on his shots, thank the maker. They got a ticket and the dog was taken in for quarantine until the court date. This is a mandatory appearance to explain why their dog wasn’t controlled. I plan on going to hear their explanation and hopefully get the vet cost refunded. Seventy six dollars is more than we could really afford today!
Youngest stayed with the dogs while husband was transported by ambulance to the ER and the police were speaking to me, then he went with me to the vet today. He’s so concerned about our dog! He loves him so much and, since he is also his diabetic alert dog, Youngest is very much dependant on the dog. He said he doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost the dog. Not a word about husband…. hmmm….
I have been ill for over two weeks now. It started out with a cold/flu and progressed till I am unable to hear. After husband figured out I was ignoring him because I couldn’t HEAR him, he took me to the doctor this morning.
I have a double ear infection and sinus infection. The doctor asked me why I hadn’t come in last week and I just looked at husband. He told her we didn’t have the copay (of 5 dollars) She sighed and just wrote in her book. Now I’m on antibiotics and he’s irritated because the whole bill was 7 dollars. She prescribed other meds as well but he wouldn’t buy them.
I’m just going to go to sleep for a while.
Last night wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Only one of the dogs slept against my spine. The other crammed herself against my buttox and rested quietly. Today, I hurt so, I’m smoking my pain killer and hoping things calm down appreciably.
Something I haven’t talked about much is mental illness. It is prevalent in my family. Husband is bipolar and has early dementia, elder child is schizophrenic and bipolar, Middle has mild autism and youngest has panic disorder. I myself have been diagnosed with many different mental issues over the years including bipolar, multiple personality disorder (mpd/did) social anxiety and depression.
I am, for the past 14 years, unmedicated. Husband takes numerous medications as does elder child. The other two are not medicated. I can always tell when husband and elder haven’t taken their meds. Things start to get a bit wild around here.
Living in a house with this much disorder and chaos is hard. The pins and needles, walking on eggshells and constant diligence on my part are wearing me down. I definitely FEEL the pressure when it starts to rise.
Husband doesn’t do well when the house is full like it is today so he’s crawled into his computer and it might be a few hours before we speak with him again. At least he’s not violent today. Daughter has crawled into the garage with her laptop. She’ll be out for dinner…. maybe. Middle has gone to his job. He seems to be thriving well at work and yesterday I talked to his supervisor who said he’s a joy to work with, never gives her any lip and is so very respectful to the customers. Made my heart swell to hear that! Youngest is playing video games with his internet friends, as per usual. Mom is reading on the couch and elder brother is at the kitchen table working on a thesis. After 10 years of homelessness, he’s almost finished his doctorate in aerospace engineering! I’m so very proud of him!
I wonder, in the dark of night, what will become of my family in the near future. In five years, will my babies all be out on their own or will they still be in my home? I KNOW middle will be gone. He hates it here because of husband. Eldest might still be here… youngest will be here, I think. Husband may be gone by then. Dementia is an awful disease…. Either he’ll be gone or I will. One way or another.
I’m feeling a bit better today. This cough still rumbles through me like a freight train but, they come less frequently. My fibro is flared, of course and yesterday I started my moon. It always happens all at once, right ladies?
Today husband has been mildly irritated at the children, my mother and life in general. The children didn’t do their chores in a timely manner so he did them… loudly. Mouse daughter was almost whispering her words all day so I understand she was feeling the pressure of his words and actions. Even youngest has cried himself to sleep already… He’s been asleep since 7 pm.
Older brother is staying the night and possibly tomorrow night as well. A man at the homeless shelter he’s been staying in threatened his life so he has to go get a restraining order against the man. The police station will be open in the morning. He cannot stay here because he is a sex offender. If the office knew he was here, we would be evicted.
As of now, there are 7 people in my 2 bedroom apartment. There is no horizontal spot left for anyone to sleep on, unless we clear the counters!. Elder brother is sleeping on the dog bed for heavens sake! And GUESS where the dogs are!
It’s going to be a long night…. Thank heavens there’s Santana to listen to.
Yesterday evening, after working overtime, middle asked me to get him some Epsom Salts. I went into my bathroom and opened the bottom cabinet where I normally keep them. At first, I was confused by what I found below the sink. Then I got upset.
There was an empty bottle of Jack Daniels under there, in the darkness.
My husband is an alcoholic. He was dry since our wedding day, 14 years ago. Now he’s started again. I know he drank that bottle in just a few days because it wasn’t there on Wednesday when I got in there for bandages.
Now I have this to worry about….. AND youngest is very ill today with the flu….
Well, it’s been a fairly quiet week. Not many fights or issues. I went to work on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and it was peaceful when I got home. Yesterday was good except my pain was through the roof. Today has been…. a day.
It was OK till I was making dinner and husband stepped on my big toe hard enough to make me cry out in pain. He glared at me and stormed out of the house like it was MY fault he stepped on my toe! No “sorry dear” or “are you OK?” No, it was a look that said “What the hell you yelling for?”
Middle son had to finish cooking so I could put ice on it and clean the blood where my ingrown nail had cut into the flesh. He took the dog with him when he left and when he got back, told my son he could have his dinner because husband wasn’t going to eat.
Husband does that when he’s upset/angry/irritated. He refuses to eat my cooking. It’s, after all, my fault he’s upset. Why would he want to eat something I cooked if it’s MY fault? Passive aggressive much?
Just another one of the subtle abuses we suffer here on the daily. Thank God my children are here. The youngest saw the look husband shot me and HE’S getting tired of husbands shit.
I’ve started saving change so that I can get enough money to move out. I started the “Penny A Day” savings plan where you put a penny in a jar on day one, two on day two, three on day three and so forth. I should have about 700 by this time next year. More if I can get middle to give me his small change once a week. I put the money in one of the candle jars that has cloth around it. Husband never looks at it so it should be safe. Just in case, I’ve given it to the childrens Godmother for safe keeping.
Mother is still here on the couch, much to husbands consternation. He wants her GONE and makes no secret about it. Youngest told him to shut it because he LIKES gramma here and he said she can stay as long as she wants to. I love my baby so much 🙂
I really forgot to write any resolutions yesterday! For 40 years I’ve written them, religiously, and broken them by my birthday. I guess I’ve decided to just skip the middle man and leave them unbroken.
I’m looking toward the new year with optimism and trepidation. I’m afraid of the future yet eagerly embrace whatever comes my way (as long as it’s good. That other shit can stay behind!)
I don’t remember what I was doing last year on the First. MAybe it’s better that way. There’s been so many things the past year that I’ve done and forgotten about. I know that the stress ongoing around here is a major contributor.
You know, I’ve been thinking about the call I got from the police a few days ago and the more I think about it, the more worried I am. What if they ARE trying to pull a fast one and get me on false reporting? Is there a statute of limitations? Could it be that they finally ran the DNA sample they took and found a match? Fingerprints actually bring up anything? So many questions… and it’s brought back the panic attacks. I’m not even sure I want to go through all that again. Shit I’ve only in the past year been able to leave my house alone.
I have to go to work next week and I’m dreading that. Not because I dislike my job but because I might be dealing with flashbacks or something. Jesus, I’m a basket case. I think I’ll be calling my therapist on Monday…
What do you think, should I get a lawyers opinion before I go?