Today I’m thinking about the holidays and how much they suck ass when you’re poor.
For the 5th year in a row, there’s not enough money for gifts and barely enough for food. I have managed to squirrel away a little money, with my mothers help but have to prioritize. Do I want to use the 200 dollars to buy the boys presents or save it, just in case we have to leave suddenly? Do I want to make the holidays nice for the kids or try to leave in the spring, after I’ve saved enough money for a deposit on an apartment for the boys and I?
My mother is staying with us after getting evicted in November. She’s been slipping me a few dollars for the past three weeks because she’s seen, first hand, how we live in this hell and wants to help us leave. She’s also putting aside 20 dollars a week for us, in an emergency fund, only to be used if we leave. I’m grateful for her help, believe me! Thank God for mothers!
The day before Thanksgiving, the local police came by. It was an officer who’s been here frequently this year and knows our family. He signed the boys up for their toy/clothing drive. When I told him that the boys hadn’t had coats for two years, he wrote it down with a frown. Then I reached to the coat hook by the door and handed him the coat that was given to the youngest last year. It was too small and still had the tag on it. I couldn’t return it because the woman had gotten it from a clothing bank. I told him the story behind it and asked him to find a kid it would actually fit. At least SOMEONE could use it.
I honestly hate holidays…. In the past 5 years, I’ve gotten no presents. Two years ago NO ONE got presents. I cried because of this. My husband had spent our present money getting his motorcycle fixed…. Last year, the only present the boys got was from their God parents. Being poor sucks during the holidays.