And the tears won’t stop…

Today I did my normal volunteering at the food bank, brought home some almond milk, cereal and yummy watermelon. I was in a great mood as I pulled the bike into the garage.

Then husband came into the garage.

I knew by the look on his face that something was up. He was supposed to go see his mother today at 2 and it was 1:30. He wasn’t going to go because something came up with his mother.

Then he informed me that middle son was grounded, again, for 72 hours. Why? Because he’d walked 4 miles to the lumber store and bought some cat 5 cable with his allowance. He wanted to move his computer into his room and was afraid to ask husband if he could use the cat5. He knew husband would make a fuss.

I lost it. I’ll admit I went overboard. I was tired, hungry and hadn’t even gotten off the motorcycle yet. I went apeshit. I told him he needed to grow up and stop treating my son with such incredible disrespect, that if he wasn’t such an asshole, maybe middle wouldn’t be afraid of him.

For an hour I ranted and fumed. The more I ranted, the more I cried. The more I cried, the madder I got. I finally went and laid down, crying myself to sleep. I slept 2 hours. Since then, my eyes have been constantly watering.

I’m broken and the tears just won’t stop. When he asked me if he should leave, I said yes, I don’t care any more.

He’s still here and so are the tears.

I wish I could win the lottery and get the fuck out of here…


2 thoughts on “And the tears won’t stop…

  1. I understand that crazed snap that can’t be controlled when you’ve been pushed as far as you have. I guess crying is better than going numb, but that’s certainly not helpful when you have to live through this. If only life weren’t so complicated and people who needed a proper escape could get it without further struggle.
    You got out the words and tears you truly needed to. I pray that you can get into a situation where all of the goodness you do isn’t overshadowed by incidents like this. Hugs for you, Dani


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