And the tears won’t stop…

Today I did my normal volunteering at the food bank, brought home some almond milk, cereal and yummy watermelon. I was in a great mood as I pulled the bike into the garage.

Then husband came into the garage.

I knew by the look on his face that something was up. He was supposed to go see his mother today at 2 and it was 1:30. He wasn’t going to go because something came up with his mother.

Then he informed me that middle son was grounded, again, for 72 hours. Why? Because he’d walked 4 miles to the lumber store and bought some cat 5 cable with his allowance. He wanted to move his computer into his room and was afraid to ask husband if he could use the cat5. He knew husband would make a fuss.

I lost it. I’ll admit I went overboard. I was tired, hungry and hadn’t even gotten off the motorcycle yet. I went apeshit. I told him he needed to grow up and stop treating my son with such incredible disrespect, that if he wasn’t such an asshole, maybe middle wouldn’t be afraid of him.

For an hour I ranted and fumed. The more I ranted, the more I cried. The more I cried, the madder I got. I finally went and laid down, crying myself to sleep. I slept 2 hours. Since then, my eyes have been constantly watering.

I’m broken and the tears just won’t stop. When he asked me if he should leave, I said yes, I don’t care any more.

He’s still here and so are the tears.

I wish I could win the lottery and get the fuck out of here…

This is going to sound strange I know…

Let me say, first and foremost, that I don’t consider myself one of those tin hat wearing abduction people. I know there’s no way we can be the only ones in this big huge immense universe but I’m sure they have better things to do besides bug me. But….. something happened that may have changed everything I’ve known.

Last Monday I was walking the dog at 2 in the morning. I always walk the same way and it takes me about 30 minutes round trip. This morning would prove to be different.

As I rounded a corner and looked up, I spotted a light above the berm that used to be the railroad tracks. It was odd in that the colors were blue, pink, purple and gold, flashing or pulsing weirdly. It wasn’t an airplane, that I knew.

As my dog sniffed around, I took out my cell phone and found it was dead even though I’d JUST taken it off the charger. When I looked up, as I put it back in my pocket, I realized the light was getting closer.

I turned and started to run off to the house because I was getting freaked out and the dog was whining. Before I could get a few feet, we were bathed in a greenish-yellow light.

The next thing I know, I was about 400 feet from where I’d been and the dog was laying down, whimpering. I ran home and plugged in the cell phone, looked at the clock and… it was 2 and a half hours later.

I was exhausted and sat on the recliner, falling immediately to sleep. Since then, I’ve had two or three bloody noses a day.

On Sunday, I got video of a light in the sky that looked eerily familiar. My husband thought I was nuts till Sunday, now he wants to go out with me every time I go outside. I dunno what he thinks he’s going to do if they come back. Not like he could protect me!

Utter Exhaustion

Today I’m of a mind to sleep all day but I have things to do. I’ll be taking my mother some canned goods today and picking up my sewing machine. Hopefully I can talk to her this weekend. I need mommy advice.

My eldest is in the hospital, getting stabilized on her meds. Youngest child went for his titration on Thursday and I spent too much money on food while we were gone. Husband is not pleased. It’s been quiet this weekend but I know he’s angry just by the way he’s acting. The snide comments, the sighs, the frustration in his voice.

He hit me last night. In his sleep, he punched me in the back as I slept. Today, I’m sore on my right shoulder blade by my spine and I have a bruise, angry and purple. Youngest saw it and asked me what happened. I just shrugged and said I didn’t know.

I wonder if he was acting out in his sleep what he wants to do in waking life. It wouldn’t surprise me. I wonder if he was really asleep. That frightens me.

I’ve been utterly exhausted all week but I’ve kept on keeping on. As I will continue to do. Till I can’t anymore.