Unrelenting agony

LAst night I went to sleep at 10. The pain in my shoulder woke me at 2. At 4 my legs went into spasms and woke me, screaming with agony. I hobbled to the bathroom and got into the shower with scalding hot water, it’s the only thing that helps.

Hubby slept through the scream not even a foot from him. Thank God it wasn’t serious but my min pin was right there, trying to make things better. God only knows what I’d do without my little guy!

15 year old went to his best friends house while I was gone yesterday and hasn’t come home yet. I wonder if I will… I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t come home. Sometimes I wish I could leave.

Husband and 30 yo daughter got into a fight last night. Screaming and yelling at eachother, a couple punches were thrown then things calmed down. Daughter came in to talk to me about hubby but there’s not much I can tell her except that she’s old enough to do whatever she wants. Her self esteem is piss poor at the moment, she suffers from schizophrenia, DID and bipolar disorder so I’m a bit more…. flexible with her than the younger two. She’s more like a 15 year old herself mentally and the doctors say she might never be able to be on her own. When she moved back home, it disrupted our entire life. It’s stressful now, every day because we never know what she’s going to be like each morning. Some days she sleeps till dinnertime and gets up long enough to eat then back to bed. I wish to God I could figure out how to help her!

Today, I’m exhausted from yesterday. My fibro is flared badly, legs hurting horrendously, arms hurt, back aching.. Shit even my HAIR hurts! Took the dogs for a walk this AM and did the dishes that weren’t done last night. Now, I’m taking a pill and going back to sleep (I hope)

Please God, let today be quiet and filled with peace.


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